September 06, 2026Wellness

Permission to Stop and Drink Flowers

Somewhere along the way, I became very good at thinking, stressing, worrying and doing. Actually if I think about it I know exactly when and where this old pattern of mine "I'm not enough" story came about. And it started young when I was about 6 or 7 when my parents divorced and the story became I was the one to blame "If I should have been a boy instead of a girl".

Over the next decades I had a whip on my back and a dark voice constantly telling me "not enough". So I worked. I worked till midnights, through weekends and holidays. Learn how to do it all and telling myself I have to be good at everything or "I am not enough to be a founder or business owner" of course, it's all a bottomless pit that I can never fully fulfill. I can not be good at EVERYTHING.

Loads of things I did were for an outcome. "How would this make a positive difference in my life, business, _____ ?" And when I didn't get the outcome I wanted I always got very UPSET or Angry. And often I would spiral for days.

I took a lot of classes and coaching to "fix" myself. To improve. One could say I was a self help junkie. For a long time.

Right now, I'm living in a temple in Asia for 3 weeks to learn Qigong and Taichi. To drink flowers daily too of course.

I didn't have an outcome in mind this time. I just needed a break from NYC. A break from beating myself up for The Qi being not successful enough. I simply WANTED to do this. To be here. To live for a moment.

I didn't want another thing to accomplish. Another outcome to be obsessed about.

I think about drinking The Qi flowers the same way... I know I'm doing something nice for my mind and body. And it's just something I love doing and want to do.

Maybe this is what luxury looks like now.

I spent more than a decade working in luxury fashion before I started The Qi.

For a long time, luxury meant buying and owning beautiful expensive things to me.

The bags. The shoes. The objects I've wanted for years.

I still love beautiful things.

At 42, my definition of luxury has changed a while ago...

Luxury is waking up and not immediately giving the world access to me.

Luxury is putting my phone down and not touching it for a while.

Luxury is enjoying something beautiful just for myself.

Luxury is giving myself permission to do whatever I want.

Luxury is being present enough to notice the flower opening in my cup.

Maybe the most precious thing I own isn't another object.

Maybe it's my attention.

Drinking a flower says: I am enjoying this. I love it. I feel beautiful and nourished.

There are many evenings I have a really hard time shutting off.

I'm usually exhausted, but my mind wants to binge on social media, netflix, eating a whole bag of chips to numb myself. To avoid. To distract.

I'm technically done working, but I'm still checking emails, IG, and our website, just one more time.

I've found that a drinking flower + journal ritual can create a boundary where willpower can't.

Heating the hot water, opening my journal, choosing a flower tea, steep the flower and write a few pages about anything and everything to give my mind a break.

And this ritual says something I sometimes have trouble saying to myself:

Enough.

Work is done.

The day is done.

I don't need to squeeze anything else out of today.

I can just be here now.